Sometimes I think I'm dreaming.

Tomorrow I embark on a week long trip to Japan to visit my Annie-chan.
The two of in Japan has been the dream for us ever since high school. I have no idea what she has in store for me, but at some point we're going to Disney and getting real sea salt ice cream. What more could a KH fangirl ask for?

I'm taking my old photography class camera so maybe I'll get some good shots and finally break this now two years and running art/writer's block.

Ja ne!

Yeah so this is pretty much what the title says. Seemingly random events with no real context to my real issues, just seem to set me off. I suppose it was about time for the geyser of venom to erupt anyway too many things are getting too me, and I'm sure I'm the only person in the world to hit a downer from a conversation about tie-dyed kilts (bad memories). So the whole point of this is to lance the wound yet again and get the festering thoughts out of my head before they do more damage than they already have.

If I could choose a super power it would be the ability to control time. Luxord is my fav org boy for that very reason, and not just because I'm eternally late for everything. Every relationship I've ever had with anyone, online or irl, feels like a clock, ticking down the seconds until I'm no longer needed/wanted. Friends, jobs, teachers, even my parents, there's a clock ticking down the seconds until I'm ejected. I want to stop the clock, but I don't know how, and with ever second I become more unwelcome and more frightened. I've tried many things, and most help me cope with the resulting stress, but nothing stops the clock. There is nothing unconditional, there is nothing that is permanent. I will eventually be abandoned for my fears. I want to believe it's okay to be me, flaws, fears and all, but this has never been the case, real life doesn't work that way. Just once I'd like to not be the one crawling back, the one begging, but I'm not important enough for that. I'm not important enough to have fears taken into consideration, to be understood. No one ever sees it from my point of view, no one ever sees what I see. I'm always wrong, and I'm so tired of being wrong. I so sick of apologizing for being hurt.

And with the tagging

The Music Game


Rules of the game:

* Choose a singer/band/group.
* Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group.
* Tag 6 more people(let them know they've been tagged).

Singer - Meat Loaf

1. Are you male or female?
Good Girls Go to Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere)

2. Describe yourself.
Life is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
For Crying Out Loud

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
Wasted Youth

5. Describe your current relationship.
Two Out of Three Ain't Bad

6. Where would you want to be now?
Paradise by the Dashboard Light

7. How do you feel about love?
I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)

8. What's your life like?
Everything Louder Than Everything Else

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
Rock and Rock Dreams Come Through

10. Say something wise.
Heaven Can Wait

Pride sucks. So do long fuses. I guess I'll have to start all over again.

Long story short: when a physics lab is the high point of your day, you know it's bad.

So I was tagged and had nothing better to do.

1. Choose one or a few of your own characters. Five at the most.
2. Make them answer the following questions.
3. Then tag three people.
4. Feel free to go ahead and add some questions yourself!!

How old are you?
Heliotrope: 15
Piro: What calender are you using? A real one or one of those funny human ones?
Naomi: How old is dirt?
Nox: Older than dirt, like a lot older.

Do you have any family?
Heliotrope: A brother. Do his ukes count?
Piro: ...................
Naomi: Two step-children, a long lost son and lots of grandchildren
Nox: I'm the mother of all creation...and not one of them sends me Mother's Day cards *sob*


What's your sign?
Heliotrope: You mean like a Greek sun sign? Aries I guess.
Piro: Sign? That's another human thing isn't it? (Helio: He's Libra. Piro: I'm NOT a stripey horse! Helio: Libra! Not zebra! Piro: Oh...what's a lee-bra? It's not like underwear is it? Helio:...]
Naomi: I believe I'm a Virgo.
Nox: The Sun Signs are like my great grandchildren so I don't think I have one.

Do you have any other alias'?
Helitrope: None I'm telling you! (Piro: Princess Brat Helio: ...I hate you)
Piro: Piro's the only name you're getting from me
Naomi: DiZ calls me the "meddling Gray Witch". Does that count?
Nox: Too many


What's your height?
Heliotrope: Exactly five feet (Piro: lol shorty)
Piro: 5'7 and growing. (Helio: Hormone boy!)
Naomi: 5'2'...without the hat
Nox: Whatever I want to be


Do you have any bad habits?
Heliotrope: Dressing my brother in drag...well he says it's bad.
Piro: Temper
Naomi: Embarressing ungrateful ex-in-laws
Nox:...ummmmmmm


Are you a virgin?
Heliotrope: Perfectly pure.
Piro: Do I gotta answer that?
Naomi: No, not that it makes a difference now
Nox: For me it's the only way to avoid incest, not that that's stopped me...

Who's your mate/spouse?
Helitrope: I want a boyfriend! *sob*
Piro: ummm...well I was kinda maybe hoping...*BLUSH* (Naomi: You're both much too young for that! D< )
Naomi: Dead and buried.
Nox: *coughs* That's another long list I'm afraid.

What's your favorite food?
Heliotrope: Honey and Elderflower glace
Piro: *shrugs* Food…
Naomi: Mmmm lemon meringue pie
Nox: Duxelle

What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Heliotrope: I answered that up there.
Piro: What’s ice cream?
Naomi: Does sherbet count? If so I like lemon sherbert.
Nox: Vanilla

Have you killed anyone?
Heliotrope: I never made it that far in the priesthood
Piro: No
Naomi: Do Heartless count?
Nox: Creation…destruction…I lose track of which is the bad one.

Do you hate anyone?
Heliotrope: Oh where to begin…
Piro: the humans who killed my brother
Naomi: DiZ….for a long long time
Nox: Not really, everyone seems to hate me though

Have any secrets?
Heliotrope: I don’t like boys
Piro: I’m in love with a human
Naomi: None that I’m telling you
Nox:………



Do you love anyone?
Heliotrope: I’ve had a few crushes
Piro: BLUSH*
Naomi: Again, dead and buried
Nox: I love everyone!…it’s not reciprocated


What is your job?
Heliotrope: Druiddess in training
Piro: Wizard in training
Naomi: the local witch
Nox: Mother of all creation

How many languages do you speak?
Heliotrope: Two
Piro: Two
Naomi: One
Nox: All of them

Boy or girl?
Heliotrope: Girl
Piro: Boy (Helio: dumb boy)
Naomi: old hag
Nox: the original womb here. How many times do I have to say it?

What do you do to relax?
Heliotrope: Talk to the random boy who lives in the hydrangeas
Piro: *flutters his wings* Fly
Naomi: Sudokus
Nox: Meddle in the affairs of mortals


What's the weirdest thing that happened to you?
Heliotrope: I was attacked by a giant poisonous mushroom
Piro: A transexual woman tried to drown me
Naomi: oh where to begin
Nox: ……………..


Have you kissed anyone?
Heliotrope: Luxord…and Vexen. Just to annoy nii-sama
Piro: *goofy grin*
Naomi: I kiss anyone who’ll let me
Nox: Long list


Favorite genre of music?
Heliotrope: Enya
Piro: all of it?
Naomi: I like Sinatra
Nox: I built this city…I built this city on Rock and Roll! ~

Ever went on a date?
Heliotrope: No *sob*
Piro: I took my sweetie to a dance (Helio: who says “sweetie” anymore?)
Naomi: Ah that brings back memories
Nox: No *sulks*

What's your talent?
Heliotrope: Making boys look good in dresses
Piro: wind magic…in theory
Naomi: I make good gingerbread
Nox: I am the source of all talent!



Who was your first?
Heliotrope:…no one yet
Piro: Same…
Naomi: That’s one of my secrets
Nox: *coughs* You don’t want to know